Right after a weekend, you don’t expect to feel overloaded and overwhelmed. Yet that’s exactly how I feel coming into Monday morning.
Maybe a large part of it was about the Leadership experiential, which was a really emotionally loaded experience. No matter how well you’ve come to know or trust somebody, putting the fish on the table and wondering where the chips will fall after that is always a risk. And talking through some of the more difficult dynamics that happen, especially in a larger group of 30 people, is an even bigger risk. It says a lot about the past 8 months that we’ve opened up to the level that each and every one of us has been taking more risk in putting ourselves out there and interacting than we did at the beginning of the program; but still, it’s tiring anyway.
And then there’s the suspense of the job search. It’s heartening that we are all helping each other and sharing information, yet the more we know, the more we feel the weight of expectations upon expectations. I am starting to feel more than just a little fatigue, not just wondering if I have cast my net wide enough but also because I really want to go for a job that I will be interested and excited about. At this time when nothing is really clear yet, it’s hard to strike the right balance of idealism and practicality.
That brings me back to one of the metaphors we had for the MBA class during the Leadership experiential. In a way it’s as if we are all standing on the edge of a cliff, on the verge of jumping off. We can see, feel and touch the uncertainty outside, even as we are taking the plunge together. A little bit of me is wondering if some of the decisions I’m making are the right ones, even while heading full speed towards an unknown target.
When I picked up my PPIN again over the weekend after my one-on-one session with my coach on Saturday, I could see why 8 months could feel like 8 years. That’s the intensity of my experience and learning and no wonder I feel as if it’s too much when confronted with all of it in my face during the experiential. And there’s a tough week ahead. So we all just have to dust ourselves off, get back on my feet and carry on. I’ll just sign off with a good luck wish to everyone for the exams this week and the Integrative – just remember, we’ve survived so far and we will pull through!